I don’t understand why my history keeps repeating itself. It sucks and I don’t think I’ll be able to go through the same thing for a 3rd time. My Aunt told me to pray about it, that maybe it’s God trying to teach me a lesson that I didn’t get the first time. Well I prayed and I cried and had this eternal fight with God about why he’s doing this to me again, and why he couldn’t help me understand the lesson the first time. I still don’t fully understand the lesson, but what I did understand is that God is trying to tell me that I shouldn’t look for love. He’s given me a heart full of love to give, and He knows I want to share my full heart with someone, but He has someone in mind that wants the same thing, but I keep looking for it in the wrong people. These people don’t have the same love I have in my heart right now, and that’s what I believe God is trying to teach me; to not look for love, but rather let love find me. He wants me to love everyone, He’s not ready for me to share my love with someone yet, but He’s using me to send love to those who need it.
I think the reason I’ve been so angry lately is because I want to hate, but I don’t have the heart to hate anything or anyone.
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